Advice

by Sandwich Says

“I’m having trouble with my boyfriend. He says that he loves me, but has not put in the effort to show me that he does. He has not contributed to our relationship and has only given me material love. What should I do about this?" -Anonymous

Sandwich Says: "Hey writer! This is a tough situation to be in. When someone says that they love you but they only use material objects to show this, it can be a sign of materialism and not showing true love. I’m sure we’ve all heard of love being this one definite feeling but that is not true at all. Love is shown through many forms whether this be through active listening, notes, letters, words of endearment, gifts, etc. When it comes to gifts in particular, they have their times and places. For example, you could give your significant other a gift when you first see them after a while. You could also give them a gift following up an important moment in their life, like getting a promotion or a raise. (I personally have a loaf-hate relationship with gifts.) Though, this should not be the only source of appreciation for your relationship. Unfortunately, there is not one clear, given solution for something like this; but, there are ways to work towards a healthy conclusion. An obvious way would be talking to your boyfriend about the issue at hand, which in this case, would be the materialism and lack of physical and emotional love. Find a time where there is no tension and or stress in the air, where both of you are comfortable and free to talk without any distractions. This will avoid any conflict and will increase the likelihood of him helping out, according to Alice Isen, a psychologist and Professor of Psychology and Marketing at Cornell University. (8.2 The Role of Affect: Moods and Emotions – Principles of Social Psychology.) Another way would be to ask him to hang out more. If you crave that presence and physical attention, then this would be very beneficial. And, it’s fun for everyone. From this, you could branch into solution one and talk about it. These solutions might seem pretty straightforward, almost like bread and butter.., and that’s cause they are. Communication is key and love is complex. If you don’t like something, then, preferably in a kind and optimistic manner, say something about it! I hope that all goes well. Stay tasty, eat a sandwich.